Friends
Seven hundred and thirty five “friends”
More people known less
Or not at all
Catch up with past classmates
Without ever leaving the couch
Click and connect
More like research than relationship
Break-ups, hook-ups
Unofficial until announced
To a virtual community
Molly Jones and Nathan
Peters are no longer in a relationship
Private, inner-most thoughts shared
With no one in particular
Exchanging dignity for a like
The loser didn’t pay
child support again... sooo broke!
Report baby’s potty triumph
Owen did his first
poo-poo in the potty!!
Drop down to
Seven hundred thirty four “friends”
A yesness inspiration for the words! The status quotes are exemplarifically mundane, and the ending is particularly clever. The overall premise is grand; the delivery might need more poetry.
ReplyDeleteI can appreciate the sounds you've found: "couch / click and connect" is wondrous alliteration, as is "Break-ups, hook-ups / Unofficial until announced"! Much attention to echoes in here! Yet, the tone feels a tad too (predictably) direct or judgmental, maybe, giving the whole shebang a shade of self-righteousness? Or superior sentiment? And there's some redundancy, eh, between describing the shamelessness and then providing the example (i.e. "Private, inner-most thoughts"). Because you offer readers clear examples, you could be more elusive or strange or indirect with your commentary, i suspect.
I just googled "Facebook poems" and immediately found two examples that somewhat resemble bits from your piece... one from the occasionally sharp Sherman Alexie (http://poetryprosedrama.blogspot.ca/2011/05/facebook-sonnet-by-sherman-alexie.html) and another by an aggressively self-marketed self-published poet, Heather Grace Stewart (http://heathergracestewart.com/2009/01/04/facebookpoems/). The trick here is to find the poem that is least likely to already exist. Have you encountered the notion that, with writing/art, your first idea is never your best idea? I don't always buy it, but sometimes our third or tenth lightning bolts contain the most voltage.
I wonder how Friends could beam towards another lightning bolt. I.E. how could it be comforting to have this technological distance from most people in your life, or to be reminded of life's banalities? Or what if the form of the poem adopted/mocked the terms of agreement, so that language/tone of your poem remains fairly intact, but works in tension with the technical style/appearance of a contract? I don't know! Or what about writing each stanza "to" a Fecesbook friend you can't quite place (i know i have a few), using one of their updates? Or what if you limited yourself to using only 734 "characters"? Likely no one would notice it, but'd be a nice subtle harmony with the poem's content.
I can't wait to "like" this officially!