This one was kind of inspired by the McNugget tweet poem...
99 Problems
Here are 16 helpful charts that every twentysomething needs
The 11 Best Goddamn Beer Ads Ever
17 Cats Eating Pizza
27 Things Only Ladies With Small Boobs Will Understand
11 Sounds You Need To Hear Before You Die
25 Giant Bunnies So Big They Could Destroy You
27 Forgotten Early 2000s Fashion Trends
14 Rock ‘n’ Roll Couples You Might Have Totally Forgotten About
17 Pieces Of Proof That America Had A Hat Problem In The Early 2000s
8 Of The Most Amazingly Absurd Hats Owned By Dr. Seuss
31 Instagrams That Prove Chattanooga Is One Of The Most Beautiful Cities Ever
16 Photos That Are Painful To Watch
8 Public Comments I Left On My Ex-Girlfriend’s Wedding Registry
14 Rock ‘n’ Roll Couples You Might Have Totally Forgotten About
50 Celebrities Who Went To College
25 Odd College Courses
10 Facts You Didn’t Know About TV College Years
60 Signs You Studied Sociology In College
17 Things That Will Make You Feel Really Super Duper Mega Old
The 13 Creepiest Things A Child Has Ever Said To A Parent
50 Things That Look Just Like Your Childhood
17 Sexy Teen Hunks Who’ve Actually Gotten Hotter
12 Ways To Achieve The Very Best Glamour Shot
The 21 Absolute Worst Things In The World
50 People You Wish You Knew In Real Life
82 Unanswered Questions About The Twilight Saga
21 Painfully Awkward Cases Of People Being Left Hanging
13 Types Of Cuddles You Need To Get In On Right Now
12 Dance Movies That Are Still Amazing Despite Their Terrible Plots
The 20 Stages Of Deciding To Get Bangs
28 People More Awkward Than You
27 Stunning Works Of Art You Won’t Believe Aren’t Photographs
42 Awkward Fanny Pack Photos
The 30 Most Hilarious Autocorrect Struggles Ever
40 Pictures Of People At Wax Museums
8 Public Comments I Left On My Ex-Girlfriend’s Wedding Registry
12 Questions Disney Forgot To Answer About "Beauty And The Beast"
12 Disney Movies Ranked By Sexiness
19 Disney Characters That Could Have Looked Completely Different
24 People Who Are Really Nailing This Parenting Thing
40 Really Awesome Parents
19 Things You Might Not Know About “SpongeBob SquarePants”
25 Heartwarming Facts That Will Make You Want To Fall In Love
43 Times Louis Tomlinson Was The Most Perfect And Beautiful Member Of One Direction
16 Photos That Are Painful To Watch
The 5 Best Quotes From Claire Danes’ 1995 "Interview" Profile
24 Things Single People Are Tired Of Hearing
19 Reasons Cory And Shawn Were The Most Important Couple On "Boy Meets World"
35 Times Diane Kruger Was An Absolute Beauty Icon
17 Things That Lady Gaga Looks Like
9 NYC Storefronts With Secret Identities
21 Signs Your Cat Thinks It’s A Human
20 Addictive Fried Foods From Around The World
15 Weird Events Where People Throw Things
31 Gluten Free Dishes To Make In November
9 Facebook Lies You Should Never Share With Your Friends
17 Halloween Costumes That Are Actually Clever
8 Sleeping Positions and Their Effects on Health
5 Surprising Heart Attack Triggers
6 Health Benefits of Not Drinking Soda
7 Healing Foods That Boost Metabolism
24 Honest Slogans Show How We Really Feel About Famous Companies
40 Must-See Photos From The Past
30 Of The Most Powerful Images Ever
33 Amazing Ideas That Will Make Your House Awesome
35 Hilarious Chinese Translation Fails
31 Haunting Images of Abandoned Places That Will Give You Goose Bumps
26 Of The Best Kids’ Halloween Costumes Ever
21 More Strange Animals You Didn’t Know Exist
12 Seats for Maximum Relaxation
15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy
10 Ways to Be Happier
9 Things You Can Do to Be Happy in the Next 30 Minutes
12 Signs You Might Be A Furby Boom On The Inside
10 Nonconformists On How They Changed The World
35 Extraordinarily Chic Street Style Photos From Moscow
10 Reasons You Will Be Totally Fat In 2014
10 Bridesmaids Who Really Wanted To Catch The Bouquet
23 Geeky Greeting Cards For The Holidays
The 15 Worst Ohio State Buckeyes Tattoos On The Internet
21 Reasons Tyler Blackburn Deserves Your Undivided Attention
14 Terms That Foodies Have Made Meaningless Lead The Daily Links
16 Pugs Create The Most Romantic Proposal Of A Lifetime
17 Stunning Photos Of Chef Charlie Trotter’s Food
9 Celebrity Tweets You Missed Today
32 Times Black Men Played Black Women On "SNL"
71 Reasons We Need To SAVE CORGIS FROM EXTINCTION
The 15 Best Moments In Kris Jenner’s “I Love My Friends” Music Video
17 Famous Characters With Hidden Meanings In Their Names
15 Lessons You Learn When You Move In With Your Girlfriend
16 Magical Pie And Ice Cream Pairings
25 Historic Hotels That Were Made For Instagram
12 Reasons Cats Think They’re Gods
28 Ways To Make The Person Making Your Sub At Subway Hate You
The 31 Most Florida Things That Ever Happened
The 19 Most Unrealistic Expectations Of Beauty
15 Songs You’ve Been Calling The Wrong Thing For Years
99 Ways To Waste Your Time When You Could Be Doing Something Useful, Fun, or Interactive
very exactly listy! 99 wows. i love this: it conflates poetry with wasteful time-wasting entertainment. only, poetry WISHES it could compete! seconds add up to equal firsts, and–as only poetry can do–suddenly otherwise simple & overlooked language becomes both analytical & aesthetic. By stacking so many of these teasers, the ad/spam copy takes on a metaphoric quality (and almost a musical quality, too) whereby their intended lure has nowhere to go, and readers must either imagine for themselves the most shocking instances of promised junktertainment or infuse the language with a meaning beyond its original context... perhaps "fanny packs" now mean "emotional baggage" and lines like "40 must-see photos from the past" can finally be recognized as absurdly redundant.
ReplyDeleteonly question: ARE there 99 lines here? (no way i'm counting!)
nice work!