I used them all exactly as they were, not one more, not one less.
Than Get its Way
There was two,
her with him
and find,
they did make the water part,
as from an oil.
So many were, are, down on them.
His people said we could not, no.
But call or write by word for each
other,
then I have been your first.
If it is in, be this, come what may.
Made into one day at that number,
which would you like now?
Go out, do their will.
How about these who had all?
She has to look up a long time.
When can he see some more of my use?
J! fantastickle! bravo on rocking this poem challenge!
ReplyDeletethe slightly "incorrect" grammar of the opening line makes me very open-lipped with happy wonder: using the singular verb conjugation of "was" with the plural subject, "two", emphasizes their oneness! technically wrong, poetically beautiful! also, the shift from "were" to "are" also feels like a small-but-huge gesture... something like the poem/poet revealing a fallibility or like the past and present are also one.
the only real uh-oh i can sense would be the "come what may" line, and only because it feels a bit easy, cliche, faded, nostalgic, nostril guck!
overall, it amazes my neurons how the most common words can create such an uncommon reading experience, something that feels both familiar and foreign, readable and treadable! i especially appreciate how the final couplet fits in both "eyeing" verbs--look/see--and ends with a question, which could be interpreted as self-referential, as though the poem asks the reader about its own existence! in fact, the whole poem seems to be questioning the authority of writing, or reading, and who decides what is written or meant? perhaps writing is the water and reading is the oil?
nice jab! i mean, jib! or job!
I'm super duper impressed that your hundred word poem was still able to maintain some sense of sense. Sometimes when you only have a small amount of words to work with you can tell in the poem, but I don't get that from this one. Weird how all our poems can look and feel so different even though we all used the same source, huh?
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